This is your life

Is it everything you wished that it would be
when the world was younger, and you had everything to lose






I feel like ive been shopping to feel an empty void
does that sound gay? i know it does.
Ive been obsessively shopping, if anybody ever spent as much money as i have these past few days in the worthless shit that i could go without, i would be disgusted.
I wanna crawl under a rock and die

Yes its "that time" of the month.


sorry for the tmi.
I want my mom and sister to leave already , and i want to crawl on my bed and sleep way more than i should again
I miss that, i was perfectly happy

Im also sick, i think something is wrong with me
My acid reflux is back but way worse this time
and my mom wants me to go back to that stupid weird doctor and start drinking those huge pills.
I dont want to
i fucking hate food anyways
it just makes me feel like a cow and makes my stomach hurt
and when i dont eat i cant workout i cant manage to get out of bed
i just want to sleep, i hate working out its making me miserable
i hate being awake
i hate shopping im not even happy with the things i get
i just get them because i think they will come in use later on

i dont want to be so miserable anymore
i know im not ugly, i know i can look so amazing , like i do right now
when i pass mirrors im just like , wow i look so nice
but as soon as that passes, i keep looking and realize
my eyes are too small , my lips are too pink , my eyelashes are too short , my nose is too big my cheeks are too fat, i look like a cow , or a pig ,

i like pretending that im stuck up my ass
but if you really knew me, youd know my confidence is always on the ground and under
Im pretty
i know that, but at the same time i think im hideous
and its not fair
i just want to fix my stupid fat ugly face but i cant
I always try and i always make myself look better
but its never enough
I can look at pictures from last year, and last year i looked at pictures from the year before.
and i always think the same
"how did i think i was pretty then?"

But i dont think im ever going to be happy


"Nobody is perfect"

Everybody knows that right?
So why cant i just accept that
why is it never good enough?



Im probably going to laugh at myself in a couple of months
thats why im going to ignore the fact of how embarrasing and degrading this actually is.



but like i said before, im going to crawl under a rock now.

Bye blog