successful

I want it all thats why i strive it
dis me you'll never hear a reply for it.



Can i leave everything and everybody from my past behind to never look back again?
If i went the rest of my life without speaking to some of these people ever again
ill be OK. happy even
the fake friendships are too painfully awkward.
its like we were all putting up a show for the past 4 years
and now that its done you look around and think
"wtf have i been doing?"


thats how i feel anyways.
Like if you hold a puppy long enough it'll calm down and let you pet it
untill you offer it to go out the door, and it runs and never comes back

yes i just compared myself to a puppy.




Anyways
i love summers
this summer is different
im not drinking and hooking up with random guys

but im working so much on myself
thats why i like summer
i can do whatever i want
really
i could stay in my closet for weeks and just be ok with that.



i kinda lied about giving my legs a week rest
the past 2 days ive revisited my treadmill in the garage along with the stat bike.
its ok
its so much easier than running outside that it makes me feel like im not doing as much work as i should i dont really like that, but since my sleepings not fucked up anymore
the idea of waking up at 5am sounds painful
but i gotta do itttt
I think im going to try it 2morrow morning.
update on that later.





"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not."