Confidence

Today in communications the people that missed the previous day finished up on their presentations about well, themselfs.

This lady walked up, she looked around 30-40's
she wasn't what most people would consider her, beautiful.
She was a bigger lady.
her hair you could tell wasn't really done, maybe some gel to calm the curls
her roots needed to be touched up.
she was wearing clothes u wear around the house.


and this is going to sound really strange


but why am i so jealous of her?


she mentioned in the presentation about how she stopped being shy
how she learned to accept herself and just not care anymore
and you could HONESTLY tell.. that was the way she felt
she didnt give a shit what anyone thought, she was who she was and everyone who didnt like it could bite it.


Now me?
Im someone who people considered well, pretty.
i think i can look pretty, i think i can look HOT.

but why do i feel like a piece of shit?
why do i always feel UGLY,like my hairs too frizzy , my makeups not flawless
i find everything wrong with me
and repeat it over and over in my head
your not good enough , your nails arent done, you dont look your best


why cant i just feel beautiful
i want to know how she did it
how she just accepted herself , and learned to love herself.
she made it sound so easy , and i feel like walking up to her and asking her
but that would be weird.
i want to do that, i want to feel beautiful even when im not trying.
even when i DO try.



so thats why , im terribly jealous of this women who wore sweats to class.
i wonder how i could be like her..
bleh.


love,rose.